Three Idiots and a Car
by Crispy-6usiness
Summary: You're going to collage? Not anymore! (Pairings inside, for Ryuchu's Under-Appreciated Vocaloid Pairings Contest! \(ovo) )


This was a completely crappy idea.

You knew from the moment you got that stupid, official, neatly folded letter that this would be a completely crappy idea. And it was, look at that. The reason you're standing at the side of the road in the middle of nowhere in the snow waiting for a bus that probably never existed in the first place? Collage. You're an 16 year old boy who's not even finished highschool, that's going to collage for engineering. Who, you ask yourself, would hear that and go "Yeah, that sounds like a nice, totally not dumb, four-year long learning experience!" You know who. Ring fricking Suzune, your very own cousin, the one you're stuck with. Figures that she would jump at the first opportunity to send you off on a bus to collage as soon as she possibly could.

Oh, you didn't go easily though, no, you conceived a clever 3 step plan to keep your cousin from making you go. First, you locked your door and buried yourself deep into your bed. That failed within ten seconds. Then you 'accidentally' threw your suitcase out the morning before, and finally, you resorted to sitting on the front step like the stubborn mule that you are. Sadly, you are a very light, stubborn mule.

You know Ring means well, though, she probably thought you were just nervous and actually wanted to go. Your grades have always been the most important to you since you were little. Except that when you were little, you didn't have any friends, and now you do. 3 really great friends, in fact, that you're probably never going to see again unless you can navigate these barren, winding roads back home. 'Why not just call her and ask her to pick you up?' What a miserable phone call that would be; ring ring "Hello? ...Hellooo?" And then she'd hang up.

And that's why you're here.

Your body moves before you know it's happening, you've got your arm out into the road with your thumb sticking up as if you're giving the world a thumbs up for creating such a crappy, useless human being. "Good job, world! I suck!"

Fifteen minutes later, your arm feels like it's going to fall off, and a car barrels around the corner. Great. Just as the beat-up yellow Honda is getting closer, you realize that it's not slowing down. It's not going to stop! You shift yourself forward just a bit, right as the car is passing you and it smashes right into your side at 50kmph.

You find yourself on the ground, looking up at the cloudy sky that seems just on the border between lightening up or pouring it's guts out on your face. The car door opens and out comes this really, really angry looking blonde. She stomps up to you, kicks you once in the arm, and points to a large dent in the front of the car that may or may not have been there before you used your body as a roadblock. She stares at you as if she's trying to tell you something. Maybe she wants you to pay for the damages? Ha ha, that's funny. She thinks you have money.

She narrows her eyes and walks back to the car. You follow her, not knowing what else to do, and get in the passenger seat. The blonde rolls her eyes and starts driving down the forest road again. You notice she's shaking, but then again, hitting someone with your car would probably shake one up a bit.

"Hey guys! What's up?" You jump so high that you almost hit your head on the roof of the car. "Ooh! Did you pick up a boyfriend, Ru?" There's a girl with flamboyant rainbow hair sprawled out in the back seat of the car, half covered in large suitcases and bags.

The blonde spins around, causing the car to swerve dangerously, and gives the other girl a sharp glare.

"So not a new boyfriend, I suppose?" The blonde rolls her eyes again and returns her gaze to the road, thankfully. Rainbow-hair props herself up on an elbow and brushes her long, messy bangs out of her eyes. "Hey," she turns to you "I'm Galaco, but you can call me Gala! What's your name?"

You don't respond, you just give her an apologetic look.

"Oh, another mute, then? Small world!" you guess she senses your confusion, because she elaborates, "both of you two are mutes! It's just me and this little guy here, we can have loads of conversations together, can't we?" she repositions herself gently and it's clear that you have just gotten into a car with another mute, and a pregnant woman.

You try not to stare at Galaco as she coos at her belly and instead try to focus on figuring out where the angry blonde is taking you. It appears that you've almost made it off the barren forest road and into some kind of place where competent people would drop off their cousins, because there are a few houses lining the streets that are flying by just a tad too quickly.

"Whoa there, speedy! No need to kick it into hyperdrive, he's not just gonna pop out of me!" You eye her, it occurs to you that you aren't actually 100% sure how childbirth works. Nonetheless, Blondie doesn't slow down, and speeds around a corner just in time to hit another car doing the same, except on the wrong side of the road.

The next events seem to happen in slow motion. The car lurches forward sickeningly along with your stomach, the airbags inflate, you wonder how the hell somebody drives on the wrong side of the road, and the other car does a midair pirouette like a flippin' ice skater.

You remind yourself to never travel ever. The blonde just sits there, staring at the other guy staggering out if his car, which is now upside down. Suddenly, you realize something. You lean over into the driver seat and turn the keys. Nothing. The entire front of the car has been smashed in and the engine won't start. You wonder why you try to do things in the first place, it's like your life is a bad comedy fan fiction written by a loser.

Galaco opens her door and carefully steps out, "looks like we're going to have to walk the rest of the way, I'll go ask for directions!"

You follow her out of the car as well and stare at the wreckage that has just been created. The blonde opens her car door and steps out, but winces and ends up falling. Gala notices and gasps.

"Did something happen, Ru? Are you okay?" She stands up again stubbornly, but falls again after limping a few steps.

So now you're carrying . Galaco's trotting along happily beside you with the bags, but Blondie, who must be even lighter than you, looks completely miserable being carried. The three of you left behind the car and the idiot, who's name was Kaito and is legally married to ice cream, according to Galaco, back down the road to try to figure out what to do with the cars.

Kaito said there should be a somewhere to stay for the night just a little further from here." You're sure that that must have been a lie, you've been walking for almost an hour now and there's been almost no signs of life at all. You look over at Galaco, how can she be all smiles, even now? She looks over at you and you look down at your feet again, eye contact is a no-no. She clears her throat awkwardly.

"Um, sorry to tell you this, kid, but you're bleeding." Oh? The blonde on your back smacks her hand onto your forehead, looks at it, shows it to you, and then wipes it off on your coat. Yup, that's blood alright. Could today get any better? You think not. After a couple of minutes, Galaco breaks the awkward silence.

"Y'know, this is kinda fun! It's like an adventure, y'know? And it's something to tell my kid when he gets older!" She giggles, but seriously, how old is she? "Two women, one pregnant and the other a mute learning how to drive, coming from a tiny little speck of a town with no hospital to have a baby, meeting up with a suicidal roadblock boy, almost dying in a car crash, falling in looovee," Both you and grumpy turn to stare at her in shock, "What? We were all thinking it, right? Either way, I can't wait to see the look on my husband's face when I tell him about this!"

Finally, you make it to this tiny little motel. It's called "The Coops", but the sign burned out in such a way so it looks like it just says "Oops". All in all it looks like a place where you would go to hide a dead body. The family that runs it, however, are really nice. When Galaco went to ask for a room, she obviously found out all about them. Oliver is the manager, and he runs the motel with his wife, Rin, and their 7 year old son, Len. At first they were a little reluctant to give a bunch of bruised, bloody hobos a room, but after talking to Gala, you got it for half price. She also got Rin, being a doctor, to check out Blondie's ankle, which turned out to only be twisted.

By the time the three of you get to your room, it's already 11:30 and dark as hell. The room itself is small, one open room with two beds, and a door leading to a tiny bathroom in the corner. A general motel layout, the amount of beds appeared to be quite alarming to the blonde, though. She franticly latches on to Galaco's arm, making it crystal clear that she does not want to sleep with you, which is perfectly fine, you'll get your own bed. With that decided, Blondie grabs her coat and heads to the door.

"You going to the continence store next door, Ru?" Blondie nods and closes the door behind her.

You sit down on the bed furthest from the door and Galaco trots into the bathroom. There's a photograph on the wall next to the bed that shows a city skyline that looks strikingly similar to your hometown, and you realize just how far you actually are from home, which makes you sadder than you'd really like to admit.

"Hey!" You're jolted out of your thoughts by Galaco calling you from the bathroom, "I found some band-aids, show me your forehead!"

You're a little taller than her, so you sit on the edge of the bathtub while Galaco attempts to peel the backing off of a Hello Kitty band-aid.

"Aha!" She tosses the plastic backing on the ground and sets the band-aid aside, "Hey, do you believe in fate?" You look quizzically up at her, wincing a bit from the cold water, "Don't look at me like that, mister! I've never been all that superstitious myself, but I think fate might have brought you here, for Ru, that is.

"See, she's been really lonely lately, ever since she found out that her third boyfriend in a row was also cheating on her. I've been trying to set her up with all kinds of different people, but she's cut off with every single one for really stupid reasons, and that's not like Ru at all, it's almost as if she has a terrible fear of boys in general! Boyafobia?" She giggles, and then hesitates, "... This band-aid's too small..." She bends down and searches through the cabinet under the sink, "But you, you're, like, her soul-mate if she had one! Aha, found one! ...I'm just saying," she stands up and peels the back off of a much larger Hello Kitty band-aid, "As long as you don't have a secret lover back home or something, then Ru's open... There, all done!"

You follow Gala out of the bathroom and return to your place on the bed. Dating Blondie, huh? You barely know anything about her, and you probably won't see her again once you get back home, so why would you date her? Wouldn't that just create a bigger problem?

The door opens and the blonde walks in with a freezing gust of wind and an arm full of food. She walks over to the tiny wood side table between the beds and sets the bag full of food on it, then you both hear it. Galaco's snoring quietly on the bed, wrapped in all three layers of blankets, leaving a certain frustrated looking blonde with none for the night. There appeared to be only one option.

You sigh, and think 'Gala did this on purpose, didn't she?'. She seems to come to the same decision about the bed situation as you, and spins around to glare daggers at you. Looks like you'll be sharing a bed after all.

Blondie stalks off to the bathroom to go get changed, and you realize that you don't have a change of clothes, Ring was going to send them to your dorm once you got to collage after your little plan failed miserably... You could always...

No. No way, you're going to sleep with a GIRL. But your clothes are still wet from falling in the snow and... N. O. That would just be too weird for both of you, ahh, you're already getting the bed wet, though...

You end up taking your jeans off and awkwardly lodging yourself in the corner of the tiny single bed you're supposed to share with another human being.

Said other human being comes out of the bathroom and doesn't seem to notice your lack of pants, thank god. She silently slips under the covers on the other side if the bed and switches the light off. It takes you a minute to work up the courage to ignore the fact that you'll be closer to a girl than you've ever been, and join her, but when you do, you're out instantly.

At least until the heater bursts into flames. All three of you are up at the same time, but Blondie reacts first. She runs to the bathroom and quickly fills a bucket with water, which she pours on the fire, before you or Gala even realize what's going on. The fir goes out, but so does the heater.

"Oh, it's broken..." The blonde slumps back on to the bed as the room starts to get colder. Gala gets up, still covered in blankets, and leaves, probably to tell the owners what happened. Soon, the two of you are shivering, sitting in the dark. You start to wonder how Blondie reacted so fast, was she even asleep at all, or was she too nervous about sharing a bed with you to sleep?

Galaco, who somehow slipped back into the room without either of you knowing, hops on to the bed beside the blonde, wraps the other end of her blankets around the two of you, and passes both of you a mug of something hot. You both look up at her, confused.

"I went ahead and used the microwave in the lobby to make us some hot chocolate," she smiles and takes a sip of hers, "So we can stay warm, y'know? And we can share body heat, rather than sleeping on opposite sides of the room, like a sleepover, but freezing! ...Oh, do you want to borrow some pants, Roadblock?" You blush, despite your best efforts, "See? Warmer already!"

Her and the blonde start giggling, and you can't help but smile along with them. What seems like an hour passes in silence, the only sounds being the three of you slowly draining your mugs. It certainly warm up, at least around you three, and you find yourself starting to fall asleep again, until you're woken up again by Galaco saying, completely calmly, "Oh, The baby's coming!"

You and Blondie, who you guess was also falling asleep, jolt up and look her straight in the eye, as if to say 'You're not kidding, right?'

She's not, and the three of you bolt out of the door, not really sure what to do. Galaco leads the two of you to the small house next to the motel where Oliver and his family live, and knocks on the door, a look of total bliss on her face.

Rin answers the door sleepily, "Oh, hello Galaco, what can I do for you?"

"Hey! Sorry to bother you so late at night, but I'm about to have a baby, and I was wondering if we could possibly get a ride to the nearest hospital, or even the nearest person who knows how to deliver a baby?"

Rin wakes up considerably more after hearing that, "O-oh my goodness! The nearest hospital is almost 3 hours from here! Are you sure you can make it?"

"I have no idea!"

"Ah, I can do it here if you're comfortable with it, I am a trained doctor,"

"Sounds good!" Rin helps Galaco into the living room and directs Blondie to fold out the couch bed. You stand there kinda awkwardly watching Rin and Blondie rush around a completely calm Galaco. In a few minutes, the two if them have the whole room set up like a hospital room. You guess now would be as good a time as any to find out how this works.

"Ooh, I think I'll name him Roadblock, after roadblock boy," you look at Gala, this time she's kidding, right? "Rin, may I use your phone for a second? I have to tell my husband to meet us here,"

Rin comes down the stairs with Oliver and Len "Oh, of course!"

Galaco punches in a number and holds the phone to her ear.

"Hello? Hey, hon! Guess what? I'm having a baby!" You can hear screaming on the other side of the line, "I know, right?! We're at a little motel a while away from the hospital, think you can make it? Alright, see you then!" She hangs up and then adds decidedly, "Right, lets do this thing!"

Blondie and Oliver and his son come and stand beside you by the door, and after a minute, Oliver covers both yours and the Len's eyes.

"Er, how about the four of us go outside?" You don't need to be asked twice.

You and Blondie stand under a streetlight waiting for Galaco's husband, while Oliver desperately tries to dance around the subject of how babies are made. Soon, a police car stops in front of you and a tall man with a really dumb looking hat steps out.

"Thanks, Gakupo!" He waves to the man driving and turns towards the two of you, "Hey, name's Bruno, do you know where my wife is?" You point towards the small building and he runs off.

3 minutes later, you hear crying, and Blondie gasps. She grabs your hand and pulls you behind her toward the house. Did she do the thing?

She did the thing, and the two of you walk in on Galaco and Bruno making out, even though everybody's watching. Both of you, and also Len, fake gagging.

Galaco notices and breaks off of her husband's face to call "Oh stop it you two, c'mere and see my baby!"

Blondie's eyes sparkle and she pulls you over to Galaco with her. Gala holds out her new son.

"This is Tonio," She hands him to Blondie, who makes a high pitched squeaking noise at the back of her throat, "Say hello!"

Suddenly, there's a bang from outside and everyone looks out the window just in time to see a flash of color.

"Ooh, fireworks!" Galaco jumps up and heads for the door, followed quickly by Bruno, then Blondie and you. Rin, looking a little shocked, follows along behind with her family.

You all get outside again just as another one goes off, and there's a collective "Ooh" from your group. Blondie hands Tonio back to Gala and grabs your hand again.

The two of you run up a hill near the house just in time to catch the next fireworks going off.

You look at her, her eyes are sparkling even more as she watches the fireworks rain down on top of her, and she's smiling. As the fireworks die out, she looks over at you, and the you make the first real eye contact since you met her, but now she seems so different.

The blonde fishes around in her coat pocket and pulls out a sharpie, which she uses to scribble something down on her hand.

She takes a breath and shows it to you.

"Neru"

Your eyes light up and you grab the sharpie from her.

"Lui"

Suddenly, she wraps her arms around your neck and presses her face against yours.

Wait, crud! She's kissing you!

On instinct, you wrap your arms around her, too. After a few seconds, you both break off, and neither of you can believe what happened, so you do it again, just as the next fireworks fire off. It was a scene right out of a cheesy romance fan fiction.

After what seems so be ab eternity, somebody starts clapping. Why is somebody clapping? The two of you stop, still not quite believing what just happened, to see Ring and her boyfriend, Kaito, standing at the bottom of the hill.

"Bravo, bravo!" Kaito calls up to you. He and Ring trek up the hill to you two dazed lovebirds. Ring waves.

"Hey, cuz! We were just setting off some fireworks because, well, we can!" She pauses, "Aren't you supposed to be in collage?"

You shrug.

"Meh, whatever." Galaco and company come up the other side of the hill and immediately notice you and Neru, who has latched on to your arm. "Hey! Why don't you guys watch the rest of the show? We're running out, but there's enough left to go out with a bang!"

Ring and Kaito run off to set up the last of the fireworks, and the rest of you plop down in a snow bank on the hill. You spend the next couple of minutes just sort of watching Neru fall asleep beside you and imprinting her name into your memory.

Galaco nudges you in the arm and gives you a wink.

"See? What'd I tell you? You guys were meant to be!"

Yeah, you guess you do believe in fate, then.

**~*Extra scene*~**

Your wife is going to have a baby. You're going to be a father, and you are psyched a hell. Well, you would be, if your car hadn't been towed. Good thing you know someone who might be able to help, although you don't exactly like to talk to him.

You dial a number off of a cue card you stuffed deep into your pocket in your phone. It barely rings twice before a man picks up.

"Hello! Gakupopo here, how may I be of service?" Oh god, you really hate this guy.

"Hey, Gakupo, it's Bruno, you said you owed me a favor after that one time I walked in on you, ahem, yeah..." You shudder at the thought.

"AH, ah, um, yes, what do you need?"

"My wife's having a baby, like, right now, and I need a ride to 'the coops', think you could help me out?"

"Oh, of course, my good man!" There's silence on the other side of the line for a second, and then he clears his throat, "Bruno, I'm really sorry for doing the do with your sister,"

You snap, "Meet me in the alley on Artech st., no weapons, just you and me and our fists. I'll bash your-"

"Ok, Bruno, I'm coming to pick you up, try not to kill anyone while you're waiting,"

* * *

_Crispy_: Yes, that extra scene was needed, I felt like I needed to elaborate on Bruno and Gakupo's roles. (/v\)'' (_Get it? GAKUPOPO HE'S A POLICEMAN WWWWWW)_

Anyway, I'm not very good at writing, but this contest just seemed like too much fun to pass up, plus, I'm the queen of unpopular ships! (Lerui is my OTP, orz)

**This fic contains: **Lerui**, Galano, Raito, Olirin, and Clarapo.**

Obviously this is Lerui-centric, but if I'm gonna write romance, I'm gonna cram as much as I can in there. \(ovo)

Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
